Friday, January 30, 2009

It's Later Than you Drink

What happens to us when we die?
Do we live in a hole or the sky?
To rot in the ground
or something profound?
Or dunked in some Canada Dry?

You were probably hoping that this rather
odd Atlas Comics cover by artist
Heath would bring Death Valley Daze
to a dead end. Don't worry, it will all be
over soon.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Dada De Nada

We slide down life's slippery slope
and down in the darkness we grope

We look but we're blind
There's nothing to find

A cesspool where there is no soap

Bet you're missing those dumb sex limericks
right about now, aren't you?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I'm tired and can't carry on
departing from hither to yon
My eyes packed their bags
my toes all have tags
Life's written a letter: "Dear, John..."

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Plight Of The Living Dead

To start, it’s no fun to have died
or lay in a box as friends cried
And, also not great
to self-desecrate
one's grave, clawing out from inside.

Though being undead is a pain
you won’t hear a zombie complain
They stagger around
their burial ground
in search of a fresh, bloody brain.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Bob May, R.I.P.

An actor inside a tin suit
as robot was forced to stay mute
To lines was a stranger
(He never said "Danger!")
His horn, here in mem'ry, we toot

Actor Bob May rode inside the robot suit on
TV's Lost in Space, though he did not provide
the character's voice.
"Danger, Will Robinson,"
the shows classic catch phrase, was spoken by
announcer Dick Tufeld. An obituary to Mr. May
can be found

I Nowhere I'm Going

There's nothing ahead but the void
Just death and all future destroyed

A black hole, a pit
It's over, that's it
It's Nothing that we can't avoid

We've had plenty of sex around here,
so why not sex's cold counterpart, death?
Welcome to the black pit of wit, the
laughter-ever-afterlife...this week it's
Death Valley Daze at Limerwrecks

Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Hair Apparent

A senate seat Rod tried to barter
so 'victim' defense is non-starter
Mandela or Gandhi?
He looks more like Dondi!
He's really a schmuck, not a martyr

My nephew-in-law points out that our
cretinous Illinois Governor
Rod Blagojevich
has "Leggo hair". I think Blago also
looks a lot
like that pathetic little WW2
orphan from
the comic strip and movie, Dondi.

Half -Baked Alaska

In Alaska, where winter's all year-ia
I've heard Northern lights cause hysteeria
The Governor-ess
can mooses field-dress
while keeping her eye on Siberia

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Poet Laureate of the Blues

As poet of rhythm and blues
P. Mayfield paid more than his dues
With lyrics, profound
and easy, sad sound
his songs painted blues subtle hues

The late Percy Mayfield lived up to the
title "Poet Laureate of the Blues". For a bio
and discography, click here

Friday, January 23, 2009

Art Attack

Some folks don't know where to begin
with art with a modernist spin
They long for the quaint
in pencil and paint
and pictures that pull you right in

From Suspense #8, 1951, drawn by Don Rico.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Vampira Expira

The first horror hostess, Vampira
was copied by gals like Elvira
This TV film vamp
was totally camp
Ed Wood was a fervent admira

Maila Nurmi, a.k.a. Vampira, hosted The Vampira Show on late night TV in Los Angeles in 1954, and co-starred in such films as Ed Wood's oddball classic Plan Nine from Outer Space, The Beat Generation, and Sex Kittens Go To College. Ms. Nurmi entered the graveyard for the last time on 1/10/2008.

There's a link to the official Vampira site, Vampira's Attichere.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Green Eggs and Hamilton

No matter the tactic he’d choose
poor Hamilton Burger would lose

A legal disgrace
How did he save face?
I think Charlie Brown was his muse

Photo: Actor William Talman as D.A. Hamilton Burger on TV's
Perry Mason.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Automatic Transition

George Bush leaves the White House for Texas
His stumbles will no longer vex us
As Barack takes the wheel
it's hard not to feel
we've traded an Edsel for Lexus

Monday, January 19, 2009

Tress Distress

Rapunzel, so famed for her hair
was locked in a high tower lair
But when she heard knocks
she let down her locks
Too bad she'd shampooed using Nair

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Hank's For Nothing

I think I’ll sign checks for the banks

let C.E.O.s fill in the blanks

Their parachute’s golden

I won’t be withholdin’

This privilege sure has its ranks

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Ray and Andrew

Yoshida and Wyeth, two greats,
Have both passed through yon pearly gates
Their differing styles
produced awe and smiles
They're two of the art's heavyweights

Pulling Your Legacy

Disaster and blunder and gaffe:
The legacy left is a laugh
Bush seeks to defend
mistakes without end
and tries to make wheat out of chaff

It’s obvious George doesn’t get it
He swears that he’ll never regret it
A moron or zealot
he still tries to sell it
Too bad that the world can’t forget it

He tripped on his mission from God
with jackboots his footprints were trod
He stepped on our rights
and in the wrong fights
I guess he can’t hear himself plod

Last Bush press conference, 1/12/09

Friday, January 16, 2009

Tomb It May Concern

Posterity knows that he cheated
but Burris in senate was seated

Forget the per diem,

his large mausoleum
has final inscription's completed!

Roland Burris gets his Senate seat, 1/15/09

Go Honey West

A blond with the sexiest mole
one peek and the men lost control
She looked hot to trot
with pet ocelot
The actress was born for the role

Ann Francis, for whom men would die
played Honey, a cool private eye
She'd kick and she'd chop
with legs that don't stop
She knew how to hurt a poor guy

The opening titles and several clips from
Honey West can be found on YouTube, here

This concludes Sixties Sirens week. See ya.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Petrie Dish

A dancer and also a mom
she carried herself with aplomb
This willowy gal
was housewife and pal
Meet Laura, suburban sex bomb

Who wouldn’t have lusted for Laura
the idiot box's Pandora?
In cute Capri pants
she’d jump up and dance
turned New Rochelle into Gomorrah

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Wanting More'a Laura

Who didn't lust after L. Petrie?
She's one TV wife who I bet she
when left to her leisure
enjoyed carnal pleasure
while making her "Oh, Rob" sound sexy

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Genie in a Brothel

Those dreaming of Jeannie I'll bet
were dreaming those dreams that are wet
Her catch-phrase, "Yes, master"
made male hearts beat faster
A genie and perfect coquette

All genies are granters of wishes
but most aren't scanty-clad dishes
Soon most guys were pleadin'
for Barbara Eden
(except for the coldest of fishes)

By bottle from out of Sahara
her look was pure harem-mascara
So coyly she posed
her midriff exposed
A curvier, sexier Farrah

Monday, January 12, 2009


Samantha is very bewitching
when casting her spells by nose-twitching
Her Darrins both hate
their boss, Larry Tate
and mother-in-law's constant bitching

Ready or not, it's Sixties Sirens week at
Limerwrecks. Some kids never grow up.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Pleas Be Seated

Lamenting his long-stalled career
R. Burris advanced through the rear
His back door approach
brings Senate reproach
but earns him a pension plan dear

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Man Over Board Game

A judgement made solely by name
now proves how Cubs sorely seek "game"
To show you how badly
they signed Milton Bradley
(I'm sorry. You see, I've no shame)

Friday, January 9, 2009

Impeaches and Cream

The end’s near for Blago the leach
The stains on his rep will not bleach
With pay-for-play scheming
and White Housing dreaming
Rod’s grasp had exceeded his reach

But lessons of history teach
his chutzpah they’ll never impeach
For Blago is shameless
and claims he is blameless
On ethics reform he'll give speech

The Moreau the Merrier

The beauty of belle Jeanne Moreau
should dwell in a swell French chateau
This mademoiselle
could act rather well
unlike aforementioned Bardot

C'est finis. Au revoir, French Fixation Week!