Thursday, April 17, 2014

Keeping the Wolf Man From the Door

Frank and Drac have a building apiece
Rank and black, and yet still there's a lease
But poor Larry's left kneeling
With the sky for a ceiling
No dank shack, just a chill without cease.

David Cairns

Imagining HOUSE OF THE WOLFMAN, Universal's never produced follow-up to House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula.  Image: Lon Chaney Jr. in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943).

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Unreal Estate

There's Chez Frankenstein's gloomy decor
And blood banks line Drac's rooms, drenched in gore  
But adrift, no address
Does shape-shifter possess
Doesn't rank even broom closet floor. 

David Cairns

We have finally loped and lumbered through the entirety of the Universal Frankenstein films.This one's about Universal's intention, never fulfilled, to follow up their two monster mash-ups, House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula, with HOUSE OF THE WOLFMAN. Image: Lon Chaney, Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941).

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Burly Retirement

He's ill-fashioned, a sawbones' invention
Monster mash-up, with flawed comprehension
Though he ought to retire
He gets caught in a pyre
Now as ashes he's drawing his pension.

David Cairns

Frankenstein's Monster (Glenn Strange, and his dummy stand-in) meets a fiery end and Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein. 

Monday, April 14, 2014

The Wrong Goodbye

It's for bed-rest this narcolept's yearning
But instead his poor carcass is burning                  
In a comedy cast,
He craves dramas long past
Career dead, into charcoal he's turning.

The Monster meets his fate: Glenn Strange in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948).

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Every Which Way But Lou's

What's a chiller film scrapper to do
When the silly and slapstick ensue?
Can their brain, set "baroque",
Stand the strain of a joke?
Will they still give a crap and say "Boo!"?

Wilbur Grey (Lou Costello), Count Dracula (Béla Lugosi) and the Frankenstein Monster (Glenn Strange) goof around in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948). Title by loose-lipped David Cairns.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Rise and Dine

Each night in his lair he arises 
He's a fright, so beware -- he surprises!
Getting up from his "bed"
He will sup as undead
One good bite, bloody-rare, satisfies-es.

Unbeknownst to weak-willed Wilbur (Lou Costello), Count Dracula (Béla Lugosi) is opening his coffin: Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948).

Friday, April 11, 2014

The Comedy Before the Storm

First he'll glare from the shadows and lurk        
But beware, he'll grow mad, go berserk
What begets all this ire?
What new threat is so dire?
He finds "Parody...bad!" and won't work.

Surly Hack and David Cairns

The Frankenstein Monster (Glenn Strange) throws a hissy fit in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948).

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Hungarian Ghoulish

Baleful Béla is back in the cloak,
Tie and tails, it's a black, formal yoke
And, in fact, laid to rest
As Count Drac he'll be dressed
But impalement would smack of baroque.

David Cairns

Actor Béla Lugosi was buried in his Dracula get-up. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948) marked his return to the role he'd made famous in Dracula (1931).

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The Unbearable Bite-ness of Being Dracula

Drac's undead, so abstains from mere croaking
And instead, into veins he'll be poking
But when Abbott, Costello
Start to blabber and bellow
He sees red, he's so pained by their joking.

Count Dracula (Béla Lugosi) isn't pleased when Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948).

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Crated "AAARRH!"

At his best he instilled shock and awe 
By mobs tested, near killed, beaten raw
But of late he's diminished
Once was great, now he's finished
And at rest on a pillow of straw.

Glenn Strange as the somnolent Frankenstein Monster, packed in a shipping crate in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948). Title crated by David Cairns.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Burlesque House of Frankenstein

Now a double act (fat one and thin)
Meets that grubby bat Bela, therein
The arthritic Glenn Strange
Lon, once bitten, with mange
Make for trouble when rat-arsed on gin.

David Cairns

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948). With Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Glenn Strange, Lon Chaney Jr. and Bela Lugosi.

Sunday, April 6, 2014


Like some casting couch-toting producer,   
Drac's a nasty and noted seducer
Like a stud, only sicker,
Sucking blood like it's liquor,
Unsurpassed draining throats, the old juicer!

Lénore Aubert looks particularly fetching as Dr. Sandra Mornay, and Béla Lugosi looks positively Hungarian as Count Dracula, in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948). Title by loathe-bearing David Cairns.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Creatures of the Nightlife

With silvery moonlight advancing,
These silly old goons go out dancing
Gorgeous girls they will grip,
Give a twirl and a dip,
Then kill them in lieu of romancing.

Promo pic from, I believe,  Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948). So perhaps Lon Chaney, Jr. as The Wolf Man and Glenn Strange as The Monster. For sure Norm Knott is the title writer.