Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Gloria Swan-Song


Bill gets shacked up with Swanson and Stroheim
She's an actress from Von's long-ago prime
Bill's not thrilled with these roles
And gets filled full of holes
So he's whacked, and he's gone, now it's show-time!

David Cairns

Gloria Swanson is ready for her close-up in Sunset Boulevard (Billy Wilder; 1950).

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Romancing the Crone

This writer who knows he's a dud
Still might earn repose as a stud.
The star, once adored,
Gives car, room and board.
But slight her, the crow's out for blood.

Surly Hack and Donald B. Benson

Gloria Swanson and William Holden in Sunset Boulevard (Billy Wilder; 1950).

Monday, April 24, 2017

Promotional Stuntman

This character clearly was scheming
To scare and to hear us all screaming
Quite simply, Bill Castle
At gimmicks was facile,
Our terror and fear left him beaming.

Director, producer, screenwriter, and actor William Castle (April 24, 1914 – May 31, 1977) in a promotional photo for his film 13 Ghosts (1960).

Stool Pigeon English

To relax, Bela swears by the boozing
But the fact is, he's wary of schmoozing
For his underlings laugh
At each blunder and gaffe
As his accent is very amusing.

Bela Lugosi makes a somewhat unlikely gangster in Black Friday (Arthur Lubin; 1940). Title by David Cairns, who hails from Scotland. David and I often find ourselves at odds over pronunciation, with our limericks adrift somewhere mid-Atlantic.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Inhuman Resources

None too bright, Fritz's goals aren't big
Cause a fright, play the troll, find a gig
Now he works for this doc
So the jerk's on the clock
And each night there's a hole he must dig.

Fritz (Dwight Frye) and Henry (Colin Clive) get to work in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Friday is Dwight Frye-Day here at LimerWrecks. Title by the ever-resourceful Donald B. Benson.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

The Hack...and How to Net Him

Before it's too late, Joe, turn back!
Through that door lies a fate that's pure black
It'll lure you with cash
And you'll sure make a splash
But what horrors await in the sack!

"Hack" writer Joe Gillis (William Holden) stumbles upon the mansion of silent film star Norma Desmond (Gloria Swanson) in Sunset Boulevard (Billy Wilder; 1950).

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

It's Stroheim, Folks!

Butler Max called the shots long ago
Silent black-and-white thoughts he would show
Now that muteness is traded
For beauty that's faded
Fade to black on besotted old pro.

David Cairns

Sunset Boulevard (Billy Wilder; 1950). Erich von Stroheim is Max Von Mayerling, former husband and director of, now devoted servant to silent film star Norma Desmond.   

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Driving Miss Crazy

In that squat limousine, he's erect
The Isotta-Fraschini effect
He's her butler and go-fer
And nutty old chauffeur
Plus her shots on the screen he'll project.

David Cairns

Erich von Stroheim and Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard (Billy Wilder; 1950). Title by film-crazy Donald B. Benson.

Monday, April 17, 2017

High-Flogne Verse

When slapping your face with cologne
That flapping means you're not alogne.
Get ready for biting
Since each bat alighting
Is lapping your blood as you grogne.

Donald B. Benson

Béla Lugosi and Alan Baldwin in The Devil Bat (Jean Yarbrough; 1940). Lugosi breeds a deadly giant bat, and creates an after-shave lotion which attracts it.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Hardcore Stenography

Her employer can't keep his eyes off her
He'd destroy both his peepers to boff her
Is Betty in peril?
He's sweaty and feral
Though she's coy, what the creep boss will proffer!

David Cairns

Betty is chased around the office in Betty Boop's Big Boss (Dave Fleischer; 1933).

Friday, April 14, 2017

Fritz and Starts

Old Fritz had the nastiest shock
When the git got cast down with one knock
This hound with a hump
Hit the ground with a bump
Smashed to bits on the plaster-cast rock.

David Cairns

Dwight Frye is Fritz in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Dwight Frye-Day happens every week at LimerWrecks.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Stooge Fright

This triad of terror once towered
Till poor Bela's stardom had soured.
Later on, AIP
To revive the grim three
Made Vincent the trio's Shemp Howard.

Donald B. Benson

Top: Peter Lorre, Béla Lugosi, and Boris Karloff in You'll Find Out (David Butler; 1940). Above: Karloff, Lorre, and Vincent Price in The Raven (Roger Corman; 1963). AIP is American International Pictures, distributor of The Raven.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Good Friday?

This movie's so bitter and black,
The jolliest character's Jack.
On "Dragnet", that's him
All stoic and grim --
The sort who'd give Wilder a whack.

Donald B. Benson

Famous for playing Sgt. Joe Friday on Dragnet, Jack Webb is assistant director Artie Green in Billy Wilder's Sunset Boulevard (1950).