Saturday, July 26, 2014

Pest in Peace

Alas and alack, here lies Larry
His ass dressed in black they'll soon bury
But as tears fall like rain,
He'll spread fear once again
Poor bastard comes back, mad and hairy.

We're closing the door on HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN, though Universal left it open. Image: Maria Ouspenskaya, Claude Rains, and Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941). Title by peacenik David Cairns.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Hair Lies...

Life has ceased for this loony, first class
No more beast to impugn and harass
His path saddled with thorns
His poor daddio mourns
He'll at least have a funeral mass.

Larry Talbot meets his predestined end in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Maria Ouspenskaya and Claude Rains look down on a lupine and supine Lon Chaney Jr in The Wolf Man (1941).

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Who's Afraid of the Big Sad Wolf?

Larry's stuck in a terrible mood
Out of luck, in despair, he'll just brood
His perpetual state
Is to fret about fate
But the schmuck has to scare up some food.

Larry Talbot is a barrel of laughs in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Maria Ouspenskaya and Lon Chaney Jr. in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Disquiet, Please

First he's pulling out throats, the blood spurting
Then from wolf to the goat he's reverting
All this change makes him queasy
He feels strange and uneasy
Prefers wool--the fur coat's disconcerting.

All's unwell in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr., looking uncomfortable.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Crybaby Wolf

Pity poor little, frightened, lost Larry
On the moor late one night he did tarry
Now he whines and he frets
Every time the sun sets
'Cause he's sure full moon's light gets him hairy.

HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN: A morose Larry Talbot, aka the Wolf Man, is comforted by Ilonka, a gypsy girl. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and Elena Verdugo in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). Title by David "Baby face" Cairns.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Wild Fang

When he's Larry he mopes, wears a scowl
As a werewolf he lopes, on the prowl
Always goes for their throats
As he sows his wild oats
While he merrily gropes with a howl.

Wolf Man Larry Talbot lusts after Gwen Conliffe in our make believe limerick film, HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and Evelyn Ankers in a trailer for The Wolf Man (1941).

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Rampage Cannot Be Displayed

Depredations more vicious, intenser
And sensations delicious, immenser
If they're spied on the screen
Not implied and unseen
Try the patience of fish-eyed old censor.

David Cairns

Something horrible is shadowed in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: A body is discovered on the moors in The Wolf Man (1941).The actors with lanterns might be Ralph Bellamy and/or Warren William.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Transformer: Dork of the Moon

Like a nightmare, Lon's suddenly vexed
From a bite where his blood's gotten hexed
Turning vividly bristly
Like a widow from Sicily
He affrights, scares and murders -- you're next!

David Cairns

Things get hairy in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.) transforms into the Wolf Man in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1944).

Thursday, July 17, 2014

A Ham to the Slaughter

With Lon's playing, it's "less isn't more"
First he'll bay, then aggressively roar
On cadavers he'll feast
Like a ravenous beast
His portrayal's a mess, but no bore.

David Cairns

The werewolf chews op the scenery in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and Evelyn Ankers in The Wolf Man (1941).

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Death With Archie

So Riverdale's redhead was shot
He could live or drop dead, I care not
It's just shtick to hook schnooks
An old trick to sell books
So don't give them your bread--it's a plot.

No doubt "Double-Sized" is twice as expensive.

Asleep in Wolf's Clothing

The werewolf, for mauling, was sought
In a snare the fur-baller is caught
But, the chasing now ceased,
The mob's facing no beast,
And what's there's not at all what they thought.

The Wolf Man is revealed to be Larry Talbot in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr., with and without yak fur, in The Wolf Man (1941).

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Monthly Psycho

Here's a wolf you can't keep from your door
He's a cruel one, fangs steeping in gore
But when satellite wanes
He turns prat and complains
Just a foolish and weepy old bore.

David Cairns

The moon is full in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr is on the rage in The Wolf Man (1941).

Monday, July 14, 2014

Claude Savagely

What a clot! The great strapping galoot
At a trot, wrapped a trap round his foot
He's more beast than a son
Or at least two-in-one
With a swat his pop saps the poor brute.
David Cairns with Surly Hack
John Talbot realizes he's just struck down his son in our plot-scrambling 'What if?' film, HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Claude Rains holds the silver-tipped cane in The Wolf Man (1941). Read this one as if you were Scottish, like David Cairns, who rhymes 'foot' with 'brute'.